Help! I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up

My husband was just approved by our insurance company to get a CPAP machine. Continuous Positive Airway Pressure. It’s for his sleep apnea, which causes a horrible snoring problem. Not so much a problem for him, but a problem for me. He sleeps right through it while I sneak off to the guest room in search of peace in the deep dark deluge of the night.

But soon I will be sleeping with a masked man. That could be exciting…? Or is it just the sign of the times - the beginning of the end. Doomsday is upon us. And it all starts with durable medical equipment in my bedroom.

Middle age.

But don’t worry; it will happen to you too - if it hasn’t already. The men in our lives will soon be buying thick gold chains and wearing their shirts half unbuttoned, with gabardine pants and orthopedic shoes. I am already praying for no comb-overs. (Please, God?) Before we know it, it will be time to put a down payment on a single level condo unit in a retirement community. Prunes will become a dietary staple. My friends and I will buy each other Life Alerts for birthday presents.

So, yes, I will be sleeping with a masked man, and although it is not the masked man of comic books and super hero marvels, at least it’s just in time for Halloween.

“The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it.”
~Doris Day